his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
