I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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