theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
