so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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