talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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