The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
