oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
