that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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