i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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