i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
