all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
