But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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