I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Alive.
So much puke
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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