Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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