I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
