Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
