dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
