Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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