she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everything about him screamed your future.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
