is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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