my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My pussy is not your playground.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
