Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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