let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's the barista slut.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
