I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize