Need sex. Gaining weight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
