The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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