forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
