too bad you live with your parents still
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
