She's JV to your varsity
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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