clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
