In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
