just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cut my penus on the lid.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
