im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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