Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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