So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
