pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
FUCK WHALES
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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