i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize