Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
