I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
