Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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