My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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