If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
