my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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