from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I look better un-naked...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
