You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You are the jesus of drinking
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
