You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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