Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mom said you looked used
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
