Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
