You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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