my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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