you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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