I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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