I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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