I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
