"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
