in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
