he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We need to get me chipped asap
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
