Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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