My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
