Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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