Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
