Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
