Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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