you didnt know i had herpes?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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