i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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