My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
