Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
