It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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