And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
