yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
