We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
