I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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