Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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